I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
