good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
