you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
