boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
