im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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