somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
