The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize