he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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