if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
