Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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