Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
