I puked a lego.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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