did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
