shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
