Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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