that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
