Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
