I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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