THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
