Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
