"it" just moved
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
