We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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