I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
