Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
