its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
whose parrot is this?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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