Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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