Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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