I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
