I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
