Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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