I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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