you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
