Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
