i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
