Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
