What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
