PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
