I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
