I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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