I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
