I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
