I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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