all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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