I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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