I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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