I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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