I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
