They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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