Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just blew my weed a kiss
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
