I cockslap morals
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
