Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's shark week go big or go home
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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