Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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