you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
