Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
jump out the window naked night went bad
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
