omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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