My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize