I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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