you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
