i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
