No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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