my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
