I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
