I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize