Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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