Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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