So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize