I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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