your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
