i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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