i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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