I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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