Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
